This isn’t the post I was planning on writing today. It’s 4am and I have hardly slept all night. I’m not sure why I’m writing this, but I have words and memories running around my head, I suppose this is just grief setting in.
Less than twenty four hours ago, I had the phone call that I had been dreading, but expecting. My good friend Helen, took her last breath at 8.30am yesterday and quietly passed away. She had been battling with a brain tumour for nearly four years and finally it had won.
Yesterday I felt like my world has stopped and I was just watching everyone around me. I suppose I was in shock, even though I knew it was coming. I have never felt as empty as I did yesterday.
For weeks I had tried so hard to be strong when I sat with her, but on my last visit I cried, I knew that we would soon lose her.
Her husband was so fantastic with her the whole time. She wanted to be at home for as long as she could, to be with her family and friends. This was only possible because her husband had cared for her so brilliantly, right up until the end. Home is where she died.
I know everyone always have nice things to say about people that have passed away, but she really was the kindest, most thoughtful person I have ever met. Over the years, I have so many wonderful memories of places we have been to, holidays we have shared and nights out I will never forget. Sometimes I would laugh so hard with her, I cried. We had so much fun. She was always such a loyal and good friend to everyone she knew.
She was a fantastic mother, with two children aged just 15 and 18 years old, my heart goes out to them. On my last visit I told her that she should be really proud of herself, as her children have grown up to be a credit to her and her husband, I hope she heard me.
So how do you carry on when you have lost a good friend that you have known for more than 28 years, nearly all of your adult life? I just don’t know. I feel angry that she has been cheated out of life so early and I have feelings of guilt running around my head, that it was her and not me.
However, I am old enough and wise enough to know, that how I feel now is only natural and the pain will pass in time and I will be left with lots of happy memories.
My thoughts are with your husband and children Helen, God bless you.