How do you lose a friend you have known nearly all your adult life?

It’s 4am……….

This isn’t the post I was planning on writing today.   It’s 4am and I have hardly slept all night.  I’m not sure why I’m writing this, but I have words and memories running around my head, I suppose this is just grief setting in.

Less than twenty four hours ago, I had the phone call that I had been dreading, but expecting.  My good friend Helen, took her last breath at 8.30am yesterday and quietly passed away.  She had been battling with a brain tumour for nearly four years and finally it had won.

Helen as 'Robin' at my 21st Birthday

Helen as ‘Robin’ at my 21st Birthday Party

Yesterday I felt like my world has stopped and I was just watching everyone around me.  I suppose I was in shock, even though I knew it was coming.  I have never felt as empty as I did yesterday.

For weeks I had tried so hard to be strong when I sat with her, but on my last visit I cried, I knew that we would soon lose her.

Xmas day with Helen and Ian's after I had just split up with my ex-partner

Christmas day 1992 with Helen and Ian, after I had just split up with my ex-partner

Her husband was so fantastic with her the whole time.  She wanted to be at home for as long as she could, to be with her family and friends.  This was only possible because her husband had cared for her so brilliantly, right up until the end.  Home is where she died.

A 'Swinging Sixties' party, where we dressed as OAP's to make people laugh, instead of 1960's (that was when we thought '60' was old lol)

A ‘Swinging Sixties’ party, where we dressed as OAP’s to make people laugh, instead of 1960’s (that was when we thought that the age of ’60’  was old lol)

I know everyone always have nice things to say about people that have passed away, but she really was the kindest, most thoughtful person I have ever met.  Over the years, I have so many wonderful memories of places we have been to, holidays we have shared and nights out I will never forget.  Sometimes I would laugh so hard with her, I cried.  We had so much fun.  She was always such a loyal and good friend to everyone she knew.

A Holiday in the south of France together in 1990

A Holiday in the south of France together in 1990

She was a fantastic mother, with two children aged just 15 and 18 years old, my heart goes out to them.  On my last visit I told her that she should be really proud of herself, as her children have grown up to be a credit to her and her husband, I hope she heard me.

A trip down the Norfolk Boards together

A trip down the Norfolk Boards together

So how do you carry on when you have lost a good friend that you have known for more than 28 years, nearly all of your adult life?  I just don’t know.  I feel angry that she has been cheated out of life so early and I have feelings of guilt running around my head, that it was her and not me.

However, I am old enough and wise enough to know, that how I feel now is only natural and the pain will pass in time and I will be left with lots of happy memories.

Me and my good friend Helen

Me and my good friend Helen

My thoughts are with your husband and children Helen, God bless you.

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14 thoughts on “How do you lose a friend you have known nearly all your adult life?

  1. Death is Nothing at All

    Death is nothing at all.
    I have only slipped away to the next room.
    I am I and you are you.
    Whatever we were to each other,
    That, we still are.

    Call me by my old familiar name.
    Speak to me in the easy way
    which you always used.
    Put no difference into your tone.
    Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow.

    Laugh as we always laughed
    at the little jokes we enjoyed together.
    Play, smile, think of me. Pray for me.
    Let my name be ever the household word
    that it always was.
    Let it be spoken without effect.
    Without the trace of a shadow on it.

    Life means all that it ever meant.
    It is the same that it ever was.
    There is absolute unbroken continuity.
    Why should I be out of mind
    because I am out of sight?

    I am but waiting for you.
    For an interval.
    Somewhere. Very near.
    Just around the corner.

    All is well.

    Death is not an easy subject to discuss. Please remember the good times that you shared. I lost my husband to Cancer 20 years ago. X

    Sent from my iPhone

  2. I’m so sorry to read this sad news about your lovely friend, Helen. Why do awful things happen to the nicest people? I can empathise as I lost a wonderful friend almost 3 years ago and we’d known each other since we were 5. He was killed suddenly on his motorbike and how you described the feeling of numbness and watching the world carry on from a distance is exactly how I felt. I cried solidly for 2 days and still shed tears even now. You have some wonderful memories and that is where she will live on. Lots of love to you xx

  3. Such a sad post, but a lovely tribute. Life is very cruel. It is true that bad things happen to the nicest of people. Your friend Helen will live on in your heart and time is a great healer. My thoughts are with you xx

  4. My heart goes out to you, the numbness and shock will pass, but the memories you have of your dear friend will be with you all your life, what a wonderful person she was, all the great things you did together. I too treasure memories of a dear friend, there are tears still on days that i turn over memories but i hold on to the joy of having been part of his life, my thoughts and prayers are with you and Helens family. God bless sue

  5. Oh my friend. This is so sad. Do you know how the family is going now? How about you? Do you have some one to hug you and tell you is okay? That its okay to feel sad. Its okay to feel angry. Its okay to feel empty. Its normal, healthy feelings that show she was a dear friend. And its also healthy to let them out. Its part of the healing process.
    I lost my Uncle in recent months. He was very dear to me and mine. Let me tell you the pain is still sharp. I look at a card, I smell a certain flower, I read an odd text. It all comes back so quick. So harsh. But my Uncle is waiting for me in Heaven. And I comfort myself that I will see him again. I do not know if you believe in Heaven, but this is my comfort, and I wanted to share it with you.

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